You're at the club and this guy comes up and talks to your date;
What do you do?
Let's face it. You can't compete. You think you can best the largest grasshoppers in the Florida Everglades? Think again.
These bad boys gnaw their way through any plant that crosses their path. Could your inferior jaw chew through any vegetation that stood in your way? I don't think so.
Lubbers never skip leg day. Incoming danger or predator? No problem. He just jumps out of harm's way. Your pathetic legs couldn't even compare.
Just look at this guy.
Sleek black with yellow stripes to signify how much swagger he has. But don't worry, he's never a trouble-maker. This guy only takes what he needs and never causes extensive ecological harm to his habitat.
That's more than what could be said of you, you dirty freeloader.
I mean, you're way out of your league here. How could you even compete with this? This bad boy will serenade your girl by rubbing his thigh against the veins on his forewings. If you tried to do that, you'd just look creepy.
And just because these guys are small doesn't mean they couldn't hold their own in a fight. When those hindwings get raised in defense, you know it's show time. Be prepared to be startled by their fearsome hiss and to have your senses filled with noxious smelling froth secreted from their thoracic spiracles. Good luck even trying to chomp on him. He's going to leave a nasty taste in your mouth that will make you want to vomit. Next time, you'll think twice about messing with this Chad again.
And while the Lubbers are full of confidence and flair, they're still humble. They remain an important source of food for the even cooler Loggerhead Shrike, who could charm your momma.
So let's review this:
- Powerful legs ✓
- Strong mandibles ✓
- Confident coloration ✓
- Knows self-defense ✓
- Can woo your girl with song ✓
- Lives frugally ✓
- Gives back to the ecosystem ✓
Do you really think you could stop your girl from falling in love with the Lubber?
Tell me your pathetic excuses in the comments below.
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ReplyDeleteHaha this is great! I had no idea these bugs even existed until we came here Wednesday. I kept wondering if they are ever a nuisance or invasive here so i'm glad to know they aren't! Besides the Loggerhead, what would you say the biggest threat to these insects are, if they have one?
ReplyDeleteThis is so funny, it is also very informative. I think that it is really cool how they have different colors to them whether it be the typical greenish ones or the black and red ones or the all red bois. They are very interesting to learn about surely none of us can compare to the legendary lubbers.
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